Few responsibilities in life are as important as choosing just the right name for your new love, and not incurring the wrath of the gods in the process.

Now, if you're acquiring a pre-loved vessel, she's most likely already named, and my advice is, if you can tolerate her current moniker, keep it and love her for who she is.

However, chances are pretty good that when you meet your dreamboat, she'll be cursed with someone else's idea of some ridiculous literary stylistic device poorly conceived while under the influence of a physically alluring xanthippe,  and/or nasty coconut flavored rum, and/or the lyrics of some over played pseudo-country song.

If the case is such, so as to necessitate having that abhorrent tattoo removed from her transom, and replaced with something more suitable, then you must proceed with caution. Renaming a boat is a task not to be taken lightly, and it should be done with the utmost careful consideration and proper execution.

Here are a few cute examples ..... to avoid:

If you choose a real, actual human name, be sure you know its etymology:

Loralei? This is a pretty-sounding name, but it's derived from Lurlei, meaning "ambush cliff", which translates literally into, "she whose singing lures men to destruction."

Desdemona? You're already off to a bad start, as this Shakespearean character is murdered by her husband, Othello. Never mind that this Greek name also means "of the devil", "ill-fated one" and "misery."

Now, for the next crucial steps, the official unnaming and renaming. As important a task as this is, there remain several different schools of thought and variations. 

Unnaming

WARNING: Do not attempt to rename your boat until she's been completely and properly unnamed first.

Every named vessel has her name written in Poseidon's Ledger. Before you can rename your boat, her name must be purged from the ledger. The first step is to remove all physical traces of her old identity from her. Her name must be removed anywhere it is found on the vessel. So, while your wife scrapes the transom, (or bow), scour the cabin, log books, knick knacks, key fobs, .... look everywhere. Failure to remove all vestiges may incur dire consequences.A friend of mine found a flare gun with his boat's old name on it after her renaming ceremony. The next weekend he was going to take her out, but the bait store was out of every kind of beer except Bud Light and they had to cancel the voyage.

After she's cleansed of her old name, you must invite some close friends aboard, take a non-buoyant object with her name on it, and offer it to the deep along with a quantity of fine libation sufficient to satisfy the gods while reading the following invocation aloud;

Oh mighty and great ruler of the oceans and seas, to whom all ships and we who venture upon your vast domain are required to pay homage, we implore you in your graciousness to expunge for all time from your records and recollection the name [insert old name of vessel] which has ceased to be an entity in your kingdom.

As proof thereof, we submit this gift bearing her name to be corrupted through your powers and forever be purged from the sea,

and in grateful acknowledgment of your munificence and dispensation, we offer these libations to your majesty and your court.

A vessel should not go unnamed for very long, nor should her new name be displayed before her renaming ceremony. If her new name is put on, cover it and don't unveil it until the ceremony.

Renaming is a joyous and festive occasion to be shared by friends, family and passing strangers who look like they might be carrying alcohol. It is a time of rebirth and renewal, so be sure to invite that grumpy asshole docked in slip 19 that's always got something to gripe about, and get him thoroughly sloshed on his favorite booze. Please feel free to anonymously share the embarrassing photos you take of him afterward on https://business.facebook.com/ManateeMax/ . Feasting on animal flesh purified over a flame in the holy Weber Kettle is a time honored tradition, and the ceremony also calls for Champagne, but this manatee prefers Goslings Black Seal. 

An offering of meat and Goslings to the deep is next while reading the following invocation aloud;

Oh mighty and great ruler of the seas and oceans, to whom all ships and we who venture upon your vast domain are required to pay homage, implore you in your graciousness to take unto your records and recollection this worthy vessel hereafter and for all time known as [insert new name of vessel], guarding her with your mighty arm and trident and ensuring her of safe and fun-filled passage throughout her journeys upon your waters. And may she meet new friends in every port.

In appreciation of your munificence, dispensation and in honor of your greatness, we offer these gifts to your majesty and your court.

Some of this is paraphrased from  http://www.boatsafe.com/nauticalknowhow/rename.ht...

[Insert boilerplate liability disclaimer here just in case someone takes this a bit too seriously.]

When it stops being fun, stop doing it.

Peace and prosperity my friends, 

Max