Chapter 14, The Escape

  Holmes stood for a moment in silence, and then spoke.

  “No, my dear Watson, it was not murder. Look at the broken window... and these marks on the floor. These tell me that Sir Clayton Weatherby was not murdered, but was merely a victim of strange circumstance. On the night of the 14th, at about 8:04PM, Mrs. Holbekken was practicing the Holberg Suite by Edvard Grieg. She is a terrible pianist, which explains why Weatherby had his widows closed on such a warm evening.

  Our “Mr. Weatherby” had just finished a glass of Delgado Zuleta Dry Amontillada and was making his way to the kitchen to wash his glass. At precisely that moment, Roger Johanson, the Dutch plumber and playboy, who had been repairing the low tick over on his 1979 Morris Marina all afternoon, was enjoying a late snack of crackers with bacon and a squirt can of sharp cheddar Nabisco Easy Cheese in flat 32c across the street, when the bacon grease on his fingers caused him to lose his grip on the can, propelling it through the closed window knocking the 30 calibre rifle from atop the mantle to the floor where it discharged six times. The bullets, striking our victim here, here, here, here, here and there. 

  After the maid found the body, she, (absent-mindedly fulfilling her duties), disposed of the Easy Cheese can, which explains it’s apparent non-existence. But, as I said Watson, Sir Clayton Weatherby was not murdered... because the real Mr. Weatherby died of strange circumstances in Lick Skillet Arkansas on September 6th 1997. Our victim is actually none other than Princes Diana of Wales, who faked her death on August 31st, 1997 and has been in hiding ever since cleverly disguised as Sir Clayton Weatherby - fooling everyone including Mrs. Weatherby and their daughter Bruschetta, who is now six and a half.”

“Amazing Holmes.”